A time-traveling folk singer comes from the year 2030 to sing the songs of a possible timeline. Available on Bandcamp. [~5 minutes.] 


trumpocalypse live!.jpg


Announcer: Lulu Diavolo!

[Unintelligible crowd and time travel machine noise]

Hi, everyone. My name’s Lulu. I’m a folk singer from the future. I came from the year 2030 where Donald Trump is in his second year of his fourth term, making him the longest serving President in American history…and white people have officially ruined the word “woke”.

I wanted to tell you all some stories from my time, but I don’t really stories, I sing ’em. So I thought that’s what I’d do. So…

[From The Gold House]
A man with no control or taste will often be quite bold, and
A man with disdain for the human race care not for what he’s told, and
A man’ll build his house in a funny way, and now everybody knows that
Nobody says “White House” these days ’cause it’s made of solid gold.

The Gold House. The Gold House.
It’s made of solid gold.
The Gold House. The Gold House.
Where the country was bought and sold.

Thank you! That one came from the camps outside of D.C.

So, I think everyone kind of expected violence when Trump got elected, but nobody expected 20 years of all-out warfare. But this next song comes from one of the most famous battles, the Battle of Wall Street.

It was definitely a situation where–I think a lot of people were on board with, like, “Eat the Rich” as a sentiment, but we didn’t expect there to not be enough to around.

[From The Battle of Wall Street]
Oh, power to the people.
Power in the streets.
See ’em hanging from the steeple,
All the liars and the cheats.

Oh, power to the workers.
Power to the poor.
The stock market is a-crashing,
And now it ain’t a metaphor.

You know, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention, of course, the most famous irony of Mr. Trump’s presidency…which was that, as people started to flee the warfare, he ended up building a wall. And he had to pay for it. But it was on the northern border.

He was just trying to keep everyone from getting out.

But this next song’s about that. It’s called The Promise of Canada.

[From The Promise of Canada]
Mr. Trump, Mr Trump, are you really such a chump?
The whole country is going bankrupt.
Can’t you see? Can’t you see? All the streams of refugees?
All the people cashing in in the north?


So, I know I said my name’s Lulu. And in the future, naming rights are sold to corporations by expectant parents. So, I’m legally required in front of a group this size to just say that…

[Lululemon Jingle]
Lululemon, Lululemon, It’s hell and it’s heaven.
When you’re doing sports, it’s the thing for you.
But we don’t really care–you can wear it like underwear
In your house, in your trailer. Who gives a shit?

Thanks, everybody!


Released November 6, 2016
Written and performed by Lulu Diavolo

Available on Bandcamp


One thought on “TRUMPOCALYPSE: LIVE!

  1. Pingback: Thrice A Kringle: A Holiday Retrospective On My College Stand-Up As Santa | Satan's jacuzzi

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